i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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