Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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