it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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