Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Enjoy the penises
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
