I cannot find my penis.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
