Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
