I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
