No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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