hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
