im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
