But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
