I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
