maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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