if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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