i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
