I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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