chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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