She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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