the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
