i permit you to call me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
