he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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