The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
