WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
