He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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