they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
