You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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