I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Your dad touched me again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
