I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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