32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
