I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
