I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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