Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
