I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
