she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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