I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
