I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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