he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
