He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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