You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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