Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
