Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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