We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
