We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
