There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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