i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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