Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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