This girl is more easily done than said...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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