I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We had to coat check the pizza.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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