I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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