Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
