I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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