Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
