I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
