the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
