I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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