He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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