So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
