You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
