my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
