i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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