It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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