Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we're making bets on your personal life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
