I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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