; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
