no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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