they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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