talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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