This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
